I'm back together with Don, and I'm staying at his place for good this time round. After such a big turn, we're back together again. Maybe this is what they called fate. Fate made me know him. Fate changed our lives. I admit, I did wrong, and he isnt perfect, but doesnt mean that we cant give each other a chance to start anew again. When there's still love for both, I suppose we can overcome all the obstacles ahead. I wasnt once sure about our r/s, thinking aiya walk one step count one step luhs, one day still have to break up so doesnt matter. But this time round, I'm determined to stay on to fight this battle with him because I love him. No matter how hard it is, regardless of whether he brings up the past everytime or even till the extend of quarreling every single day, even if it takes to cry everyday, I'll still cherish him this time round.
Because when I was left alone and cold, he was the only one there, taking care of me and all my needs, wanting to change me into someone new, even if he needed to resort to making me hate me, as long as I'll change, he dont mind. Life is too short, he made me understand and cherish life. The reason I wanna spend everyday together with him, the reason I moved back here without hesitation this time round is because I hope that I'll spend everyday happily with him, to wash away all those sad memories we had. So from Month 5 onwards, all will be sweet and romantic. But he cant seem to shake off the past, so we're still struggling with it everyday. I admit, I cant take it. He cant too. But I keep telling myself, if even I give up, then this r/s how? Left to die off?
Both of us built it up using 150+ days. I wont just sit here and let it go to waste. People say that its kind of crappy to believe in making each other happy everyday. But look, if you tell yourself that you dont know how many today[s] you'll have with the person you love, everyday you wake up, you start to do things which make him/her happy, if this today can go on everyday, it'll be forever. Happiness can actually be forever. Its just a matter of whether you're willing to try or not. The best thing about this time is that I can really see that he loves me alot. And everytime when he asked me to go, he'll ask me back. But then this time round really too much quarrels le luhs.
Laogong, can we not quarrel anymore? Even this blog post made us quarrel. I really dont wanna quarrel. I'm sick and tired of quarreling ):
You want me to do things to make you happy right? I tell you, actually I posted this even before you called. I just wanna give you a surprise. The two sentences, I wasnt even in my blog when you asked. I was MSNing. So I anyhow say de [: Are you glad?
After we hang up, I came to edit this part.
I alr know we'll end up quarreling, so I just said bye and hung up. Sorry for being so mean, but I know this will definitely cheer you up. No angry, no happy mahs right?? :D No angry then wont surprise liaos. Oh ya btw, wanna tell you one last thing before I go off, Laogong, please dont doubt my love for you le, whats past is the past. Whats most impt is that now I'm back by your side, and no one is to split us up again, look at how my phone dont ring for days. When I made it clear that I just wanna be with you, trust me, this time round its really only you.
Last time, if I have a wish, I'd wish for fame, wealth, looks, and true love with a handsome guy. But now if I have a wish, I'd wish for us to be happy everyday, leaving so much sweet memories behind, so that when we look back next time, we'll never have regrets even if we cant be together forever...
Altho I really wished it to be forever... I'm trying so hard everyday not to think of what you told me that day, the big secret. But right now when I typed the word forever, tears are overwhelming in my eyes. Why does everything have to be so hard? This time round I really wanna settle down, create memories, enjoy loving someone and being loved, doing things for the person, repay his kindness, be there for him like how he's always here for me, make him smile everyday, take away his stress, not to add it on. I wanna be someone he thinks about everytime he leaves the house altho he sees me everyday, I wanna be someone he misses at work, someone he smiles when he thinks of, someone he hugs to sleep, someone he enjoys bringing around, someone he enjoys talking to, someone who can make him feel really at ease and relaxed, someone who gives him thrills of ups and downs, someone who completes his life.
You always asked me about my visions, goals, dreams and ambitions. Being with you is my vision. Seeing you smile everyday is my goal. Making sweet memories with you forever is my dream. And being your lawfully wife, and the woman that you desire for, is my ambition.
I love you, I really do. Altho this is not as sweet as what I wrote for you last time, but I typed everything from the bottom of my heart.
When you told me you're bringing me out, do you know how excited I was? But I put up a strong front, not wanting to admit how happy and excited I was. Because I dont want you to think that I'll feel bored at home everyday with you, like in the past, I dont want you to spend money everyday just to bring me out even when you're really tired. Even if I know that you'll quarrel with me over this, say something like ' I see you sian, wanna bring you out go play, I can save the money at home play Dota and Texas Poker, but I bring you out even after work so tired never sleep all these, yet you show no appreciation. '
But my dear, you're wrong. I'm so happy I'm like sitting down here waiting for time to pass, until the time you come back. Going where and doing what is not what makes me happy. Its going out with you, and doing things with you. I'm hoping to buy a scrapbook, pasting our photos, writing down the special events about us. I wanna create many many memories with you. You always ask me this ' What is it that you want. '
Let me tell you, All I want is you. So after you read this, you should know what to do uh.
And I know you'll turn around and ask me do what? HAHAHA. I'll tell you in one second [:
Charonelle is no longer Charonelle. Because Charonelle reminds us of all the upsetting memories. Charonelle was a complicated person, trying to be everything she's not, and forever wont be. Charonelle's constantly unhappy because she can really do everything to please every single person around her. Charonelle always tries so hard to get attantion and love and in the end all she got was played and thrown away and left all alone.
Until the day Don Wong found her, just like a piece of unpolished diamond, thats what he told me. The story always cheers me up whenever I feel down/useless.
I'm really so glad that I found you. If not for you, I wont be the Jiamin I am today. 10 years down the road, if I become someone successful, I'll tell everyone our story, how I met this guy and how this guy changed my life. I know even if you cant get to see it, you'll feel very happy [:
Now the thing I fear the most is your feelings and thoughts about me. Because no matter how much we quarrel, how nasty the breakups, how many times I cry, how many times you break things to vent your anger, how much shits we go through, I still love you as much, everytime I think about you, it'll always be all these I've mentioned. The sweet things you did for me, how good you are to me, no one else in this world can do better. And all I think about is how bad I am, shouting at you like this when you really put in so much effort in this r/s. Even if sometimes you're being unreasonable, I'll only be angry for awhile, after quarrel I'll still hug you to sleep, lie on your shoulder, talk to beibei or zhuzhu, listen to your snore, think about tomorrow, us, dont be like today, sometimes even look at you and cry.
But what am I scared about. I'm afraid that everytime we quarrel, the amount of hatred you have for me will increase and love will decrease. Then when one day if we really cant make it to forever, all you think of is how bad I was, being the worst gf you had, so regret knowing me, all these.
I really hope you can be like me. Even if next time break up, people ask about me, you'll tell them our story and smile. Even when you reach the quarrel and hurt parts, you'll tell them I did it for some reasons and you dont blame me. And I hope what I carve in your mind is the image of a nice girl.
Not a bitch like you always say I am. I'm just young, I make mistakes, I still dont know alot of things, I still need your guidance, I still need your love and care to nurture me like a pet, I still need your advices, I'm just born soft and weak, and cant afford to take hurt.
But the fact is, I really love you. And you leaving my life will really tear my life into pieces. Thats why I'm back here.
